How to Get the Most Out of Counselling
1. Take the time to find a good therapist that aligns with you.
Understand your preferences and requirements. You likely have a specific issue or goal that you would like your therapist to be familiar with. If you’ve been to counselling in the past, think about what worked well for you or what didn’t – perhaps you like a particular style or modality. You may also feel it is important that your therapist has a particular cultural identity or sexual orientation. Other things to consider are whether you prefer going in person or attending online, scheduling availability, and compatibility with insurance and payment methods.
Here are some directories where you can search by location, therapeutic modality, issue, identity, etc.:
- BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (Provincial registration board)
- Canadian Counselling & Psychotherapy Association (Federal registration board)
- Inclusive Therapists
- Psychology Today
- Counselling BC
- Good Therapy
Once you have selected a few therapists, request a consultation prior to committing. Most therapists will offer a free, 15–30-minute meeting on the phone or online to see if you’re a good fit and answer your questions. You may not have many questions and it is ok if the consult feels a bit awkward, but it is an opportunity to get a feel for what your process will be like together and how comfortable you feel interacting with them.
2. Know what to expect in the first (few) sessions.
It’s ok if it feels a little weird or awkward at first. You are opening up to a stranger after all! But the first session is the time to go over all the forms and logistics, as well as get an overview of the process; how often you will see each other, what your goals are – or how you would like to feel after counselling, a bit about your background, how payments are processed, etc.
The therapist should outline the process of the first few session with you and what to expect, including taking time to go through the consent form and confidentiality pieces. During the first few sessions, the therapist will likely be asking questions and talking more than you are, as they get an understanding of your issue in context. Go at a pace that you feel comfortable with. Counselling should take you out of your comfort zone (because that’s where the healing happens), but in a controlled and careful way with easy access to emotional safety by the end of the time together. If it feels overwhelming or too intense, let your therapist know. Take your time getting comfortable and ask as many questions as you need to.
See more here.
3. Think about your goals, or what you hope to get out of counselling.
It’s ok if you don’t have specific goals that you hope to reach in therapy, but it will help the counsellor come up with a plan for working together if you have an understanding of what you hope to get out of your time together – or how you envision things being different afterwards. Sometimes people come in search of specific tools that they can take home and use to manage the symptoms of what is bothering them, whereas others want to understand an issue and how it affects their behaviour and relationships in order to change it – and many other outcomes besides. Sometimes, however, the distress just feels too intense to think of anything other than getting help to hold it, and that’s ok too. Your therapist can help you figure out where you want to get to.
4. Attend consistently, at least for the first while.
It can take some time to feel comfortable and open up, as well as for you and the therapist to get a good understanding of what is working. Committing to coming to sessions weekly or bi-weekly for the first while allows you to establish a cadence that creates momentum and consistency – working through the issues while being emotionally co-regulated allows for the learning and insight to settle in and stick. More time and space is possible as the nervous system is de-pressurized and the client learns to handle the ups and downs with their new tools. Going to therapy only when you are in distress, or when an activating event has happened means there is a high risk that the time will be spent only on emotional regulation (firefighting) and catching up.
To maintain momentum and ensure you get the slot you want, it can be helpful to make the next appointment before you leave. Even booking several on a bi-weekly or weekly basis so that they are taken care of. You can always cancel.
5. Try to keep an open mind, keep going and trust the process.
6. Be collaborative and engaged. Give feedback.
Many people are hesitant to give feedback in their lives but in counselling, not only is it encouraged, but it is a safe place to practice advocating for yourself and what you like. If you have an idea of what you would like to do, chances are that it will work well, and conversely if something isn’t working don’t wait until the end of the session to bring it up.
7. Be present.
Turn off your phone. If you are attending a session online, close your email and text and other windows and make sure you’re in a quiet place to minimize distractions. Don’t worrry about the time – your counsellor will track that for you.
Do whatever you need to make sure you’re be comfortable – have a snack or grab a blanket, make yourself a cup of tea, etc.
Also be mindful of protecting the time before and after the session so that you’re not rushing to arrive and switch gears as well as having time to process and decompress afterwards. Vulnerability and healing take a lot of emotional energy.
8. Practice self-care and self-compassion.
Going to counselling and working on yourself takes courage and time and more energy than you might think. Be gentle with yourself and approach what is coming up with curiosity and compassion rather than shame or judgement.
Between sessions check in with yourself to see what you need for self-care. Maybe you need some gentle stretching or a massage to reduce the tension in your muscles, or maybe you need to spend some time journalling or walking in the forest to process what you’ve learned.
9. Enjoy the process, Laugh.
Therapy doesn’t have to. be a slog or be all about the crying (although crying is very good for you). It’s ok to laugh – humour is therapeutic too!
You can learn a lot about yourself through therapy but you are also spending time in relationship with yourself and your counsellor, so why not enjoy the process?
10. Make another appointment. before you leave.
As mentioned about, attending regularly helps with momentum towards growth instead of spending the time firefighting but too often life gets busy and we feel good after a session so forget to make another appointment, only to learn that the slots have filled up.
To create consistency and help with anxiety around scheduling, make the next appointment before you leave or even book a few so that you know the time is booked.
